Harry Truman once joked that he wished he could hire only one-handed economists just to get away from their “On the other hand, meanwhile” advice.
While having unwavering convictions is what I wish for myself as a human and a hopeful op-ed writer, I sometimes dawdle to type with both my hands even on subjects I’m familiar. Then comes my ability to articulate with one hand. If you ask me what’s my opinion on if nature or nurture drives women’s career choices, I’m not able to take a rational stand yet. So until this struggle lasts, I thought I’d research on important topics and let conflicting ideas marinate for a while on my blog.
Caveat: Let me be clear, I do not agree with many of these ideas. These are not mine. I have a different value system regarding this topic and that’s unlikely to change.
So what’s the point in writing?
If you think about it, many philosophies that were previously considered as absolute solutions like communism are now seen as an ineffectual ideology. So it’s possible that what we deem as counterintuitive or against conventions now can hold relevance in the future. Regardless of the veracity or the efficacy of these ideas, it may be valuable to independently probe them.
One thing I’m certain is that the ideas we so resist are the ones that need studying.
8 Unpopular ideas on DATING, RELATIONSHIP AND marriage
- Though physical attraction is condemned as a shallow standard for choosing a partner, people should be free to be explicit about their preferences without having to hide it. If you have a preference for a certain body type, you might as well state it upfront rather than try and change those who don’t fit the bill.
- Those who’re into fetishes such as BDSM and hide it for the fear of being judged should wear it on their sleeves. To hide one’s sexual identity is no different from having to hide one’s gender identity as gay or lesbian. Introduce oneself as the alpha or the dominant in the relationship.
- Those who cannot try and commit to one partner in their thoughts or deeds are better off openly practising polyamory instead of pretend being monogamous for society’s sake. Scientifically, the human brain hasn’t evolved to be monogamous. Read more.
- Privatise the institution of marriage. People could marry anyone of their choice (and any number of them 🤔) Marriage needn’t be government’s business when it’s largely a private contract between families. Define the terms of the marriage and agree upon a contract. Read more.
- Divorce shouldn’t be easy or free from stigma. This is important in an age where divorce rates are soaring up, leaving a trail of broken families mired in financial disasters. If it’s easy or socially acceptable for one person to abandon their family, there will be no motivation to think through selecting a long-term partner.
- Which brings up the next point on knowing your partner well enough before you tie the knot.
Dating should be easy and free from stigma as long as it isn’t forced and doesn’t involve kids. Deliberately put yourself in challenging situations to see if the person acts responsibly. Management Lesson 101: If the person chooses to react in a bad way, there’s a high chance they’ll react the same way for the rest of their lives. Look for their presence of mind and compatibility with your culture over lofty acts of romance and chemistry.
From an evolutionary standpoint, women ensure they have the best match within their limited fertility period. Men ensure to spread their genes far and wide throughout their unlimited fertility period. It’s unlikely women and men can reach their evolutionary goals without going through a process of dating multiple people. Some pointers to help you get started.
- “Hey, I’m sorry. I think your genes don’t deserve to survive another generation.”
You may fail an interview. You may fail in your exams. But no judgement for an individual can be more ultimate than being chosen as a long-term partner. We have a moral obligation to create offsprings with a healthy partner. Poor selection not only dilutes your gene pool with the wrong person but also delays nature’s way of creating healthier humans by many generations. (I recently learnt that the 2 pairs of wisdom teeth I’ve inherited from my parents are actually characteristics of primitive humans. 🤷🏻♀️)
- Those who are involuntary celibates should be sympathised as much as those who can’t afford one meal a day. Statistically speaking, sex ratios are such that there are going to be many men who will never find a partner, let alone an ideal one. Read more.